I learned long ago that if you just say "thank you", problems and conflict can be averted or avoided. When people come to me because of one of my children exhibiting a behavior they don't agree with, I just say "thank you", with a smile. It stops them in their tracks of complaint. My husband uses the same tactic with me. He will use "thank you" at just the right time, right before I am about to get on him about something, he'll tell me thank you and then it sucks the bite right out of me.
When I played basketball my coach would always tell us that the best offense was a good defense. In dealing with differences and issues in marriage being "defensive" is usually what incites unkind words. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work there is a section about "The Magic Six hours" with little things to do to strengthen your relationship during the week. In the last hour, called the State of the union meeting, couples are advised to "use gentle start-up and listen nondefensively" (bolded text added). Using "thank you" in your gentle startup is the "best offense is a good defense" for the State of the union meeting at the end of your week. Just like when we pray, first we thank God for specific blessings, before we ask Him for anything.
I challenge you to use this tactic, not just in your marriage, but in everyday life. See what happens when you thank your cranky teenager for anything that they do, thank your troublesome toddler for the artwork they put on the wall, respond to hostility from strangers with gratitude and see how quickly they lose their anger. Most of all, see how much better You feel after expressing gratitude.
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