When I was in first grade, my mother had to talk to the school principle three times because I was tackling boys on the playground and kissing them. As a teenager I can remember very deep conversations with my parents about the sacredness and power of physical intimacy. As a young single adult I always had a significant other, or was actively dating for the next significant other. Before being married I was a class A flirt. After being married I toned that flirtation way down, but could never find the line between friendly and flirtatious. It often seemed to me that just being friendly was taken as flirtatious and the only way to avoid the appearance of flirtation was to not talk to anyone of the opposite gender (in my case, either gender). I am a huge advocate of being friends with someone of the opposite gender, otherwise I would have almost no friends, and friends are an important part of life. I also would say that any person I dated is still a friend to me. That being said, there are things to watch out for that have nothing to do with being physical. According to Kenneth W. Matheson, Professor, School of Social Work, Brigham Young University: "Fidelity also means complete commitment, trust, and respect between husband and wife". Some dangers to look out for: If there is ever a time when a friend takes priority over a spouse, any deception to the spouse about interaction with that friend, other friends around you sharing their observations and concern about the friendship, feeling awkward when the friend and the spouse interact, and being defensive about the friendship. Some of the great tools I have found are having joint Facebook and email accounts with my husband. I have no intention of having any level of infidelity in my marriage, and just like the saying "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure", having joint social media accounts is a deterrent to any friend that may have other ideas. I also never meet with a guy friend in a one on one situation. If I want to hang out with that friend, my husband or my friend's significant other, is there.
My husband is my best friend. His friendship is more important than any other friendship I have. He knows this. Just as marriage is continually evolving each day you are married, so do other friendships that evolve to accommodate complete fidelity to our spouse. If a friendship cannot be sustained through appropriate channels, it is not worth clinging to. A true friend would not require it of you.
Do you consider yourself a true friend?
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