Dessert first

My husband and I share a strange history. His mother's sister married my mother's brother, so we share a first cousin but are not cousins ourselves. We knew each other when we were young, but never really interacted. Our courtship was almost non existent in the traditional sense. We went on one date, talked on the phone long distance for two weeks, and three weeks from that first date we had set a date at the temple to get married six months later.  We video chatted regularly and saw each other physically only a few more times so that he could interact with my son before the big day. We filled those calls and that time with a lot of information. We felt very led by the spirit and the lack of physical interaction really helped to keep our minds clear. I would say that there were very few surprises that came up after we were married. 

After reading about love maps and sacrifice I can see that my husband and I have been building wonderful memories through continuing our courtship after marriage. There have been many sacrifices made on both sides. I used to be very active in community theater and church choirs, which my husband has no interest, and was a huge time commitment that took me away from him. My husband works very hard to support our family and can no longer spend money the way that he did when he was single.  We both sacrifice time we could spend alone to nurturing our children, banking on the studies that show that well nurtured children are more independent later on in life. 

When I answered the Fondness and Admiration questionnaire from the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, I could answer true to all 20 questions. As I was reading them though I had doubts about my husband being able to do the same. My husband and I have often felt that we know each other well, but when we played the random twenty question game we found that we could not answer questions like "what kind of present would I like best", "what is one of my favorite ways to relax", or "what stresses am I facing right now". Things like physical intimacy, favorite colors, birthdays, anniversaries, food, and books were easy to recall, but deeper questions came up blank. It was eye opening to see that our connection to each other is good, but could go much farther. Sometimes there doesn't seem like enough time to fit in more, but it reminded me of personal daily scripture study. If you do what is most important first you will always have room for it. Which also happens to be how I feel about dessert, if you eat it first you always have room for it.